This joke was always bad… and it’s even worse out of context. The whole point is that the Ranger class in one addition of D&D lacked focus – at least, some would argue it did. There’s no point in bringing this over from GameWyrd except to prove that I tried to save as much as possible in the migration!
Newbie: Ah, so you’re using two swords at once to attack people. You must be a Fighter.
Ranger: Nope. I’m a Ranger!
Newbie: Coo. What’s a Ranger?
Ranger: I live hundreds of miles away from the nearest city in a dense forest. A forest that’s also home to ferocious beasts and monsters! Most Fighters don’t live in the wild places.
Newbie: Er. Okay. So you’re kinda a fighter who lives away from civilization. Doesn’t that make you a barbarian?
Ranger: *spluttering* No, no. I’m not a barbarian! They’re more like wild-men or ferocious beasts themselves. I’m a skilled hunter. I can even cast special magic spells!
Newbie: But you’re not a wizard?
Ranger: Gee, no. I’m not a wizard either. Look, most wizards learn their spells from tomes and books. A ranger’s magical affinities are due to his close ties with nature and the land.
Newbie: But… I thought Druids…
Ranger: Look. No. I’m not a Druid or a Cleric either.
Newbie: Maybe you’re like a fighting druid, something like that?
Ranger: Hmm. That’s better than barbarian I suppose.
Newbie: Cool. So do you get special wilderness abilities or natural magic feats as you go up levels then?
Ranger: Not really. I do get access to more magic spells though.
Newbie: Do you earn any extra scouting or tracking or survival type feats at all? I thought that’s what you did.
Ranger: Um. Er. No.
Newbie: Okay. So what groovy Ranger type stuff do you get for going up levels?
Ranger: I get more enemies.
Newbie: That doesn’t sound very good at all!
Ranger: Ah, well, it means I get special bonuses for going up against these favourite enemies.
Newbie: You become more aware of these creatures, how they think and act, you know what hurts them mentally and physically and so your fighting and magic bonuses against them increase?
Ranger: Well. Um. No. Just bonuses for finding and fighting them.
Newbie: Really? That sounds a bit like the Fighter class again. Hey, maybe you’re a Fighter Prestige class!
Ranger: I’ve told you already. I’m not a Fighter. A Ranger is a class in its own right. It’s a damn good Class too!
Newbie: Okay. Okay. Don’t get so defensive. Geesh. So, just what are your preferred enemies anyway?
Ranger: *knocking an arrow* Newbies.
