R.E. Vance is the author of Paradise Lot: GoneGodWorld. The gods are gone. All of them. Their last message to humanity was: “Thank you for believing in us, but it is not enough. We’re leaving. Good luck.” Their sudden departure has forced the denizens of all the heavens and hells to Earth where they’re living as refugees striving to adapt to life on the mortal plane. Trouble is, after eons of living forever, they’re not very good at being mortal.
Geek Native was keen to tap into R.E. Vance’s angelic lore and was lucky enough to score this guest post. Running a supernatural game? This is some perfect research for you. The timing is good as Paradise Lot: GoneGodWorld – Episode Two hit Amazon at the end of last month.
When we think of fallen angels, most of us go straight to the big guy — the Devil, Satan, Lucifer, the Morning Star—pick your preferred handle. If we left our minds to linger on the topic, we’d enividebly come up with Beelzebub (thanks Freddy!). And for those of us who have read Paradise Lost or simply are interested in the subject, we might even come up with a few other names such as Azazel, Belial, Mammon… to name a few.
But what about the other guys? The ones who populate the ranks of fallen angels who rebelled against heaven. You know the guys I’m talking about… the ones for whom corrupting humans is not only an occupation, it’s also a hobby.
Here are 5 fallen angels you’ve probably never heard of but were instrumental in the war for heaven and our souls:
The original pyromaniac, Xaphan is a demon of the 2nd rank, but once-upon-a-time he was one of the apostate angels. His contribution to the whole debacle was suggesting to destroy Heaven with fire. Problem was – it’s hard to set clouds on fire.
Well, maybe it’s not… and I guess we’ll never know because Xaphan was cast into hell before he could implement his plan. His current whereabouts? Fanning the flames of the abyss with his mouth and his hands.
If there was a mortal equivalent of Gadreel, it would be the Lord of War, ala Viktor Bout level of evil… According to the second section of the ‘Book of Enoch’, he is the guy that taught humanity warfare and is the third of the five satans who convinced angels to fornicate with humans.
Not much is written about him, but I like to think that he is the ‘Walking Dude’ in Stephen King’s ‘The Stand’.
Chayyliel is responsible for Catholic School. Ok—no, he’s not. But a lot of the strict nun policies were taken out of his playbook. He is the angel before whom ‘all the children of heaven do tremble’ and is also responsible for flogging fellow angels who fail to sing the Trisagion with lashes of fire.
Oh—and he can give you quite the tongue thrashing too for his mouth is so large it can ‘swallow the whole earth in one moment in a mouthful’.
You know that expression, “You and what army?” Well never say that to Beleth. Ever. Beleth is the commander of 85 legions of demons. How many demons in a legion? The same number that can dance on the head of a pin – infinite. So infinity times 85 is… well, a hell of lot!
If you ever see this guy, especially riding on a pale horse and blaring a trumpet, run. Actually, scratch that. Don’t run—there’d be no point. Just fall to your knees and hope is all ends quickly.
A personal favorite of mine, Penemue is the angel’s equivalent of Prometheus. According to Enoch, he is the angel that taught humankind how to read and write—not because he loved us, but because reading leads to knowledge, knowledge leads to thinking, thinking leads to sin (imagine a Yoda voice there). But don’t take my word for it. Here’s the actual quote from the Book of Enoch:
“The name of the fourth is Penemue: he discovered to the children of men bitterness and sweetness;
And pointed out to them every secret of their wisdom.
He taught men to understand writing, and the use of ink and paper.
Therefore numerous have been those who have gone astray from every period of the world, even to this day.
For men were not born for this, thus with pen and with ink to confirm their faith;
Since they were not created, except that, like the angels, they might remain righteous and pure.
Nor would death, which destroys everything, have effected them;
But by this their knowledge they perish, and by this also its power consumes them.”
So, all is all, this guy takes the prize for passive-aggressive hate towards humans. Personally, I love reading and writing, so how bad can this angel really be?
What else do we know about Penemue? Not much, except that he really, really likes Drambuie.