Geek Native have taken over 1,200 user generated “Famous Last Words” from GameWyrd and split them up into 15 collections for re-publishing here. This blog has published one each day for the last two weeks. This is the last of those collections but hopefully not the last of the famous last words.
If you’ve some more to contribute then please, please, please add them via the comments below.We’re at the bottom of the pile now so some of the contributions aren’t half as good as the cream of the crop. We know that some of you will sound off about this in the comments – but that’s cool – however, why not find one you like and let us know too!
|Famous Last Words:||Contributor:|
|(PC1 raises weapon to attack monster just as an important NPC teleports them away, they reappear in an empty clearing)
NPC: Good thing I got us out of there.
PC1: (strained) Can’t… hold heavy hammer… over head much… longer…
NPC: (Sees hammer above their head) Oh sh-
|I’m regretful to say that this actually happened.
DM: You’re stuck in the oil pit with ten of the goblins.
Me: I cast fireball right in the center of the group.
DM: You’re all roast.
Me: At least i killed them…
|PC1: It’s five against one, no prob.
PC2: Dude, his mouth is big enough to fit seven.
|I’LL CATCH UP WITH YOU!!!||heroofdarkness|
|This guy doesn’t look very masculin, with his dress and all his jewelry…||Laguna117|
|Where’s the light switch?||Laguna117|
|Wow, it sure stinks in that room.||Laguna117|
|No one should worry, i can still cast up to 3 minor healings today.||Laguna117|
|Red Orcs? I don’t want to interrupt you but why should we care about the color of their skin?||Laguna117|
|I cast haste on myself and run into a pole.||heroofdarkness|
|Male dwarf fighter-rogue helps fem human warlock break into the tomb of tyrannous. He puts the bejeweled skull they find in his bag of holding, which he carries down the front of his pants.
(both get frozen and black out upon trying to take some gold with them)
Lich – Where’s my phylactery??
dwarf – I got your phylactery right here! *points to crotch*
Lich *gets a minion to retrieve the jeweled skull* And this may teach you a lesson for stealing. *sends warlock back and turns the male dwarf into a female elf*
|NPC: Do you accept a spell?
|Psh! Stop acting like i need to be taught everything! I know how to cast fireball! All i say is “fireball”…..right?||heroofdarkness|
|“I carefully chip at the hole in the wall with my sword.”
“What do you mean?”
“Trust me, you want to be specific.”
“Ok, then only one piece of the wall falls on you as it collapses.”
|Teleport me now! I’m gonna get them from behind!||Krag|
|PC1: Before the fight, I’ll quickly have one of the herbs the wizard gave to me.
GM: You ate it, and… good news. Its a strength herb. You feel stronger, but your heart is now beating a much faster. All you damages will be doubled in this battle.
PC1: Doubled damages! Amazing!!! I will eat the other NINETEEN portions of the herb!!!
|DM: Your down to two peoeple after fighting the Krayt Dragon, a jedi padawan and an explorer. It usually takes alot more than what you did to kill it, what do you do?
PC1 Explorer: I go and loot the Krayt Dragon pearls off the dragon!
DM: The monster looks like it may be breathing, You sure?
PC1 Explorer: Sure I am!
PC2 Jedi: *runs like hell*
PC1: Whats wrong with h-*CHOMP*
|DM: A guard bursts into the room pointing his finger at you all, You’ve just been pinned with the assassination of the King. Guards come pouring into the room.
Jaden(lv6 Fighter): Well, I’m outta here!
Erwinolivoction(lv6 rogue): Since I’m by the back door, I run out and lock it behind me…
|GM: As you approach the briefcase a strange noise is coming from it.(plays chirping sound from laptop)
Vladstone: No worry birdie, Vladstone will help you.
GM: Oops, wrong sound effect. As you begin to open the briefcase you hear an audible ticking.
Vladstin: (picks up an alarm clock…coutning down)Hm, gadget boy, clock is broken yah?
Jarrod: Dear, sweet Jesus…
|“Hey new guy, you go first. House rules.”||Saregu|
|First the set up: The group mage (lv 6) just got blasted down to -9 hp by an empowered scorching ray from a spellwarp sniper. The group’s changeling rouge decides he’s going to attempt to stabalize him.
Rouge: “He can’t kill him now unless he goes through me, and I don’t think he has a spell that can do that.” The joys of trying to see a party fight a lv 12 spellwarp sniper
|GM to PC1 – You do realise what a .50Mag fired at this range will do to him(PC2)?
PC1 – Yeah. I pull the trigger.
PC2 – I’m dead?
GM – No, actually the bullet ricochet’s of your armoured Raybans, takes out your eye, bounces off your chip socket and exits your head leaving you with a gaping, but not immediately fatal wound.
PC2 – Really?
GM – No, it spreads your brain all over the concrete like a dropped egg.
|(Character creation for Vampire: The Masquerade)
PC1: I need another drawback to balance my character out. Hmm…maybe I’ll give him a fear. Hey guys, what’s a good fear for a vampire?
PC1: I like it!
|Stupidity is a right, not a privilege.||Screaming_Bear|
|PC to DM: Is there anything you’re not telling me?||heroofdarkness|
|Dont worry, we’re player characters with dice.||Dustyn|
|DM: Your enemy shows off his twenty bottles of alchemist’s fire in his pack.
PC: I cast fireball
(large, gaping black hole left)
|This seems vaguely familiar…||heroofdarkness|
|PC1 to PC2: I was about to tell you something, but i forgot. I think it was important, too…||heroofdarkness|
|Um…did we need that?||heroofdarkness|
|What do you mean I’m on the boat!||Gregore Madhammer|
|One good melee round!||Gregore Madhammer|
Player- Ok we all know that I am the best fighter pilot at the table with my skill at 98%. So rolling my pilot skill I should be able to fly between both towers by turning the Jet.
GM- Player you are not even in combat why are you doing this?
Player- I have a 98% pilot skill. It’s not like the small town is going to care and if they did what are they going to do about it.
GM- You have started flying down towards the village. As you get closer to the two towers you realize that the towers are the villages anti aircraft defense.
Player- I pull up!!! With a 98% pilot skill I cannot lose.
GM- Roll a new character.
|KINDER:Hey!I wonder what would happen if I pull on this lev……..||dragonlady|
|“Whadya mean Fzzzm and Zap hav opened the door?………WHAT DOOR?||nimblefingers|
PC-to a red dragon
“Thank you for sparing us, OH NOBLE STEED”
|Well, ain’t that just like a damn woman we come to find shiva and this bitch…||sykosuperman|
|GM: The Lanotaur Hunter is in the room and she sees you through the plain SDC glass separating you two.
PSI-GOBLIN: Thats it. I moon the Lanotaur.
|STORY: (guys swiped a box of grenades but now they’re pinned down by guys with guns in a warehouse.)
GM: So, what are you guys doing with the grenades?
PC1: Stuffing them all in my trench coat. Then I stand up to return fire.
|SITUATION: Minotaur is pinned down and the military specialist runs up to it.
Mil.SPEC.: (with a plasma grenade) Eat it! (botches roll- recovers) Eat it! (minotaur defeats his action). Eat-
|“Alright! Now that everyone’s in the room, I think it’s time I got rid of all these bad guys. I use my Type 3 Fusions Block, in the center of the roo- . . . oh, hey, I rolled a 1. What happens?”||Rahvin Doome|
|Ley Line Walker: “Cool, the Rift opened. . . where am I again?”||Rahvin Doome|
|Misguided: Oh, it’s just orcs? I’ve got this. I reach for my shot… D**N IT!
Spark: Why did you bother to buy a shotgun if you always leave it in your trunk?
|(In a Temple of Morridin)
PC: “I have a joke for everyone! Why are Dwarve’s noses so big?”
|Roughly from memory, but it went something like this:
PC: What do you mean you’ll “estimate the damage”?
DM: I’d rather keep the game running than roll that many dice.
PC: Ah, I see. Do I get to say “Oh, s**t!”?
PC(in-game): “Oh s**t!”
|/in a VERY homebrew campaign/
gm:you see a bag with three eyes drawn on it hanging from chains
pc:i open the bag
|Party of lvl 1 & 2’s are in a cave with three smaller caves ahead.
Rogue scouts and discovers between 15-25 goblins in each cave and reports back.
The barbarian runs out to the center and screams a battlecry.
62 goblins pour out into the center.
Barbarian is smacked over the head with a PHB by his fiancée.
|Hey do you think it likes meat?||Timm483|