Welcome to the penultimate collection of Famous Last Words. These originally appeared on GameWyrd and were transported over to Geek Native when the two sites converged. Geek Native is super honoured to be this collection’s great new home.
We’re nearly at the end of the list here. These famous last word suggestions were those that didn’t pick up any votes of support at all – perhaps because they were too new, perhaps because they didn’t deserve any. What do you think? Any gems in this list?
|Famous Last Words:||Contributor:|
|PC1: I’m going to climb the tree where my team mate is hanging from his foot, and cut the rope suspending him, I warn him there is a ten foot fall.
DM: You cut him down succesfully, but you failed to realise your pet badger was underneath him, the badger is now dead.
PC1: NOT BADGER MC BADGE BADGE!!!
|orc gets given spoon.
orc: tink tink tink tink
|(surrounded by dwarves on their way to destroy the drow)
“Kill the dwar…drow!”
|“Come get him yourself!” (cleric of tempus to blue dragon. Went from 47hp to -54hp in 2 rounds)||darthmeatloaf|
|I think it wants to be friends here snaky i want hurt you……||darcygallant|
|(PC) Ok, I go off to find some lusty bar wench.
(GM) You do know wenches and whores back then probably had alot of diseases and sicknesses..
(PC) What part of “I go out to find some lusty bar wench” don’t you understand jerkoff?
(GM) You find one .. she says it’s on the damn house … roll a D20 ..
(PC) What for?
|Pc’s after having uncovered a chaotic servant among the Emperors advisors who the pc’s know is on to them. What they did’nt know was that he cast a curse on them that binded his life with that of them (they could have known what and that they were cursed, but ignored my hints) Too bad.
Pc 1: Okay, we have to kill him now. Any suggestions?
Pc 2: We can’t get close to him. It will be difficult!
Pc 3: No problem, We know he is going to visit the Snotlingbowl game tomorrow. We’ll just hide under the seats in the stadium, and blow him away with my scrap filled blunderbus. I’ll put in extra powder to be sure by the way!
Whatever death would become upon the chaos servant would immediately come onto the pc’s. You can imagine what a bloody mess both the chaos servant and the pc’s turned into after pc 3 pulled the trigger.
|sucker….||The Supreme One|
|I’m A WIZARD||animefreak|
|What play is it that we’re rehearsing again?||theunspeakablefuzzball|
|Investigating Wizard after the party split up for information gathering on new adventure possibilities: My investigations have concluded that people around here have a tendency to disappear only to reappear soon afterward but acting strangely unlike themselves
Constable nods: Be right back with that edict. Its in my office
(knife to back, Second Doppleganger emerges from said office)
|“Yanno, you put the ASS in Aasimar!”||Dark|
|PC1= Oh S**T
PC2= I second that
GM = ::laughs::
|Cmon the gods never smite anyone.. they’re too busy with god like things… watch… CMON ZEUS YOU SUCK! UR MOMMA WAS……||Azriel Firehand|
|DM: STOP repeating everything I say!
PC3: STOP repeating everything I say!
|This is for vampire the masquerade…
P1: Ok I’m going to go to the nearest club
GM:ok you go to the nearest club.
GM:there is 5 vampires there.
P1:ok what generation are they?
GM:2 of them are 7th gen. and the other 3 are 8th gen.
P1:oO(hhmmm…im 8th gen. i should be able to take them all…)Oo
P1:ok im going to go to the nearest 7th gen. and pick him up by the head and throw him against the wall.
GM:ok you get behind the vampire and as u reach for his head he spins around and grabs ur arm…hes about to break ur arm.
P1:ok im going to punch him in the face.
GM: roll dex. and dodge. difficulty……7
P1:shit…..I botched bigtime…..be gentle…
GM:holy shit…ok well as u are about to punch him he slaps ur hand downwards and punches you thru the wall….as u land a rat comes scurrying along and pulls the pin of one of ur white phosphorus grenades
P1:ok im gonna equip my fortitude…
P1: so I don’t get that damaged…
GM: ok…. make a new character….
|GM: There is a thug in front of you demanding money.
PC: I pull out my lightsaber and activate it.
GM: You sure?
GM: They run away screaming, “Ahhhh! A Mandalorian Jedi!”
|In a recent D6 Star Wars game set during the Rebellion Era:
PC(after having dreams sent to him by the Emperor): Hey Guys, I think we should go to this planet; the Emperor said it was a good idea…
|Barbarian:*screams while running into a wall of fog, says ouch then footsteps disappear.
halfling: Well i suppose if anything is in there, Gnarltooth with get rid of it. (as Gnarltooth comes running out of the fog, screaming and being chased by a fireball)
Halfling: guess not….
|Elven Wizard:*to human fighter* here, read this *hands him a scroll*
Wizard:*laughs at him* its a wish scroll, now you have to make a wish. *shaking head* Stupid human.
Fighter:*wishes at the start of the battle that it is over*
DM: um…okay, everybody, roll up new character sheets.
DM: the battle is over, and everybody died during the battle.
Everyone except the elf: Stupid Elf.
|GM: A ghost appears in front of you
PC: ghost? no problem, I’m an Elf…
|Standing in front of the Sword of Nihilus
Striker (the Fighter): Why the hell are you guys always forcing me to pick up any swords we come across.
Rogue: It’s not like every sword we find is cursed…. (grabs the sword).
|This is a true story
Dwarf PC is chained to wall, naked, next to another pc, also chained to the wall. the npc bastard walks in, and starts questioning them, they lie, badly, and he draws a knife
|The same dwarf (who managed to survive) is in a room full of runequest trolls (a bit like bugbears), the other pc’s have managed to negotiate safe passage, but the trolls are still very near killing them.
Dwarf: “I got a joke…how many dirty, stinking trolls does it take to change an oil lamp?…4. 1 dirty, stinking troll to change the oil lamp, dirty, stinking troll to scream unintelligbly and beat him with a diseased racoon, and 2 dirty, stinking trolls to throw feces at each other…”
PC playing dwarf: “what?”
|PC1 (Children of Gaia Theurge): I’ll be your left arm buddy!
-to the Fenrir Ahroun who lost his arm in a battle moments ago.
|Togorian Sith: What is it, snack?
Whill Sith: Nothing, rug.
|Okay you bunch of whusses, I’ll take the lead||gilibran|
|I pee on the cthulu statue||gilibran|
|Not so much his last words but they were the last words they heard from him:
Chaotic evil character with a group of 2 paladins, a cleric, a druid and a halfling thief all of at least good allignment are in a mansion filled with, for the moment resting vampires searching for a artifact which is supposed to be the only thing to kill this vampire lord, they sneaked in against all odds unnoticed and stand before the pedestal upon which lies the artifact completely unaware that the chaotic evil character made a deal with the vampires (stupid Paladin’s, cleric and druid, they could have done an alignment check to know they couldn’t trust this guy unfortunately for them they failed to do so)
the chaotic evil character: I drink my invincibility potion, grab the artifeact from the pedestal and make a dash for the exit screaming FIRE, FIRE, FIRE all the way
|GM:The barrel exploded||BluesKirby|
|Hey I recognise this machine, I think it’s the same as in that strange manual I found earlier.
let’s see chapter 1
|Guard duty bores me rigid, how about a game of dice to take our minds off it?||McTavish|
|I give the Kobold a wedgie!||Celticruff|
|Me: “Does the puddle look like this (makes a hill shape with hands) or like this (makes a bowl shape with hands)”
DM: doesn’t answer me
Me: I step in it.
|“It’s not a bad idea to fight the Demon Triad of the Apocalypse, you’re just paranoid.”||Purr|
|All right, we see hundreds of guards beyond the wall? Let’s sneak in. Oh crap, that’s a 1…||tubahobbit|
|“Hmm, I seem to have made your replacement collarbone a little too big. Ah well, we can just stretch the skin over it.”||Screaming_Bear|
|Medical Droid: Your shoulder and upper arm are quite shattered. I could repair them, or I could just amputate the whole thing and give you a cybernetic arm. Which would you prefer?
PC: Which one is the least painful?
Medical Droid: Umm… …no.
|(to a Gargoyle) Just because you’re made of stone, you think you’re hard!||Destriarch|
|PC1: I don’t care which god you are, your followers are toast for irritating me.
DM (god): You can kill the idiot lackeys, they are unworthy of me, but my priests are devout and to be left alone.
PC1: I go find a priest to kill.
|DM: You walk into a cave full of goblins.
PC1 (1st level halfling fighter): I walk forward and yell “I am Lizard-eye, the Goblin Slayer!”
|“So, are you Melniboneans born with pointy ears, or do they just pull on them really hard when you’re a baby?”||Screaming_Bear|
|Gnomes are pussys||Dimble|
|Can Dragons get stoned?||wyrdrun|
|What’s that strange glow?||wyrdrun|
|It’s a talking statue, I’m a talking statue. We can parley.||wyrdrun|
|Look at the little kitty!!! *stares for a second*
“MEOW!” *cat jumps onto face*
|Lysone the Wolf|
|PC, a Brujah: Listen up you stinking pussbag, you’re not scaring me with the urban legends of giant crocodiles in the sewers!
DM: The Nosferatu gives you a gleeful, toothy smile. Please soak fourteen damage.
|PC1: HAH! Look at that wuss! Head of a monkey, tentacle arms…can you say easy xp?
|“Who said I was going to pay for the pizza?”||Pieh|
|Don’t test that weapon on me!||MicroJ|
|My health is full don’t waste you mana!||MicroJ|
|PC: What do you mean Earth Meld is Protean THREE?||ironwolf56|
|DM:The dragon is approaching you
PC1:I pull out my portable hole, we can all climb in it!
(Players proceed with climbing into the portable hole, and hide there for several in-game hours)
PC2:I bet he’s gone, I look out the exit of the hole.
DM:You poke your head out?
PC2:Just enough so I can see
PC1:As soon as he does that, I teleport
|How hard can his home plane be? We are practically gods ourselves!||Ertai|
|(Players have had their presence requested in the thieves’ guild)
DM:You are escorted to a man dressed in some very fancy jeweled leather armor wielding a shiny steel short sword that glows with a bright green light. There are about 12 other people in the room on the walls behind and to the sides of you
PC1:I bitch-slap him for sending his goons to come get us
|PC1:What the hell is a ‘patriarch’ vampire?
PC2:*groan* I start digging my grave.
|DM:You enter a strange room with ancient runes all over the walls. There is a door in the west wall and a large portcullis to the east.
PC1:What do I see with my visor on?
DM(to PC1):You see the crack in the floor, and you can see a dull red glow coming through it
PC2:I open the door in the west wall
PC1:I cast levitate on myself and grab
|PC: What do you mean “The Solar takes his very mighty greatsword”? On only said that his god is stupid…||Ykkandri|
|Don’t worry, you can hold these stun grenades as long as you want before releasing them.||Op|
|Kaito: Say “hello again” everybody.
Linzuki: What? Why?
Kaito: An old….friend is back.
Ryuka: What old friend?
Tanasha: YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING!
|Kaito: “Heeey i remember you,…….oh……….shi”||Kaito Kaze|
playing Call of cthulhu
PC1: Don’t enter there, the room is a portal than will take you to Yugoth!
PC2: Move I’m going in!
GM to PC1: you see him entering, but you don’t even listen for him to scream, the things in there didn’t give him enough time.
|on a game of L5R :
GM: You all finally see the emperor
PC: *after seeing the others bow* “I bow to no one”
|PC 1: I got high Stealth I’ll scout ahead and see what that zombie’s smearing on the wall.
*rolls dice; ZM hands him a note*
PC 1: What the hell does Hastur Hastur Hastur mean?
|DM–Okay you killed the wizard. What do you do?
PC group–We barricade the doors and rest to regain hitpts.
DM–Okay, Who has first watch?
DM–An hour into your watch everyone else is asleep. Mist rises from the wizard’s body. And his ghost begins to curse you. What do you do?
PC1–I wake everybody up, before he finishes.
|Mad cow, mad cow??? What mad cow?||Morgan Dailen|
|“I grab the Sith holocron.”||Screaming_Bear|
|No, no, I’ve seen this puzzle before… it may LOOK like a never-ending drop into a deep and wide chasm, but there’s an invisible track running acro-||Misch’Ka Vahn|
|“Trust me, it’s no dire bear, it’s just a big dog. Oh f***! Let me go!”||loser0372|
|DM: The guard misses and is bent over in front of PC2
PC1: I fire my long bow at the guard.
DM: From 5 feet away?
DM: The arrow goes through the gaurd and hits PC2 in the heart killing both of them.
PC1: Do I get double xp?
|DM: Both of you are tied up and drenched with oil. Will the mage cast anything?
PC1: Hmm, let me see… what to cast…
PC2: Hehehe, remember the time you were idiotic enough to cast fireball which burnt us to death?
|“Don’t worry! The guy at the alleyway said the rabid, cannibal orcs were FRIENDLY ones!”||Corr_|
|(in the Royal Dining Room with the King, Head Chef and dozens of guards)
“This tastes like S**T!”
|DM: You enter a large ship. On the lower deck, you find a small model of the ship you are on.
PC1: I pick up the model
DM: You feel the ship rise as you pick it up
PC1: *Oh crap* I drop the model back on the table.
|(PC to girl he just slept with): That was fun
Girl: Yup. Just don’t tell my daddy.
PC: Why? Who’s your dad?
Girl: The emperor.
PC: …oh crap
|DM: You’re slowly sinking into a huge tar pit, gas bubbling all around you
Player (CN pyro): cast create flame.
DM: err, where?
PC: in my hands!
DM: you sure?
Outer space here i come!