One of GameWyrd’s most popular section was “Famous Last Words”.
There were over 1200 user submitted contributions and thousands votes for people’s favourites.The ran the range from sci-fi to fantasy, from real to urban myth and most of them funny.
This page contains GameWyrd’s most popular Famous Last Words. You’re also welcome to submit new suggestions in the comments below. Enjoy!
|Famous Last Words:||Contributor:|
|GM: You see a coffin in front of you with several crosses all over it as well as several different holy symbols around it.|
PC: I open the coffin.
GM: You see what appears to be a rather well preserved dead body.
PC: I poke the body.
|When I said ‘death’ before ‘dishonor,’ I meant alphabetically.||General Sage|
|“I know an illusion when I see one.”||Donka the Donk|
|I didn’t ask how big the room was, I said I cast fireball.||Kurt Wagner|
|“You racist! They’re elves. So what if they’re black?”||Dragon7398|
|Player:I quickly shove everything I can in my pockets, including the broken clock, and run outside!|
GM: Okay…(confused)What broken clock?
Player: The one you said was counting backwards.
|Archais Von Drago|
|Master, how do you unsummon a daemon lord?||Jaxe|
|To DM: Dude, your sister’s hot!||TheCycoONE|
|I smell gas ….. rock on , light a torch||Balor|
|Player: I look out the window|
DM: You see Clouds beneath the Window.
Player: I jump out the Window.
DM: Make a new Character.
Player: WHAT!?! I thought it was an Illusion.
DM: No, it’s a flying castle. Make a new character.
|Hey you! Bitch Queen of the spiders!||Saxon|
|DM: The basilisk stares at you|
PC: I challenge him by staring right in to his eyes
|“Oh don’t worry. The poisonous ones have orange stripes.”||Donka the Donk|
|“OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you’re not gonna answer my prayers, I’m gonna tell ya what I REALLY think of ya!”||Donka the Donk|
|Here kitty, kitty, kitty….||HobinKobad|
|DM: Ok, I need everyone’s dice so I can roll for damage.||Losan|
|“I’ll just walk up to the dragon invisibly”||Donka the Donk|
|“Ooops”? What do you mean, “Oops”?!||Joiless Oubliette|
|“I wonder what would happen if I poked him…”||DJ Fireflash|
|“What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again…”||Donka the Donk|
|“Stormtroopers can’t hit a Wampa at this dist…”||Donka the Donk|
|PC1: Use Spirit Strike on it!|
PC2: But Spirit Strike only works on supernatural creatures!
PC1: Are you telling me a talking dog isn’t ****ing supernatural??
|Actually chainsaws make fairly clumsy weapons.||Dark One|
|“Everyone knows that dragons breathe fire…I use my protection from fire spell, and walk up to the green drag…”||Dragon7398|
|“A clever bluff, Agent N42, but not clever enough. You see, right away I recognized your `pistol’ as a cleverly disguised cigarette|
|Donka the Donk|
|Awww how cute! A baby bear cub. Why are you all alone? I thought momma bears never left their cubs alone… (a slight ruffle of leaves behind you) Uh oh..||Knightfall|
|After killing the Priestess of a death cult before she could complete the ritual sacrifice of the lovely virgin, PC1 throws the lifeless body onto the alter and screams, “Here is your sacrifice Death god!” There was a moment of silence as the body disappeared and the sky started rumbling.”||ColinG|
|After breaking into the abandoned church to stop the sacrifice:|
REF: You are shot in the stomach with a rifle by one of the guards. What’s your armor there?
PC: (looks at character sheet) Tweed.
|“Is that a dagger in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” (ouch) “Nope, it’s a dagger…”||Pieh|
|“You look familiar, didnt i kill you already?”||Pieh|
|No, really, I’m in tight with these underworld types. They trust me.||Arkanabar|
|P1: Hey! We need a healer over here.|
P2: He is the healer.
|DM: “You see a strange beast made from the mismatched parts of other bodies”|
PC: “So we’re fighting Michael Jackson??”
|PC1: I start climbing down. (roll, botch). Crap.|
DM: You slip and fall. It’s a hundred and twenty foot drop. I need twelve dice.
(collects, rolls) You’re level 2, right? You land with a wet splat.
PC2: I start dragging his body, so we can get him resurrected.
(ten minutes later)
PC1: Wait, what about my bottles of alchemist fire?
DM: What bottles?
PC1: (Gestures to character sheet) These, nine of them.
DM: … Dice. Everyone, I need more dice.
PC2: Instead of dragging him, I scrape what’s left of his remains into a flask, to be blessed later as a good luck charm. (records Flask o’ Ben on character sheet)
|“I don’t have to out-run the bear… I just have to out-run you!!!”||thescrollkeeper|
|“Don’t be silly. If this was really the ship’s “Self-Destruct Button”, do you think they’d leave it lying around where anyone could press it?”||Donka the Donk|
|I pull out my Soul Sucking Sword and attack the monsters…Ah crap I rolled a 1 I missed em…Waddya mean I cut myse….||Caladrin Atredes|
|“I throw my sword at it!”||davion|
|“I’ll cast ‘Enlarge’ on this small sample of uranium.” “What do you mean, critical mass?”||General Sage|
|Deity: “Am I going to have to kill one of you to prove that I am truly a god?”|
|Crap, I thought I memorized featherfall.||Lance Penzdragon|
|DM: You are crawling through the oil pipeline now.|
PC: Cool! I light a match to see where I’m going.
|“It’s only a blue dragon? I’ll just subdue it, then!||davion|
|GM: You have been trekking for two miles without a single stop. You enter the Temple and see an offering cup on the alter.|
Player: My character relieves his poor overworked bladder in the cup.
|I drink from the bucket under the orc’s bed||Bengali|
|Player: I erase the ships log to cover our destroying the planet.|
Incredulous DM: Its a major celestial body, Jay. Someone’s going to notice it’s missing!
|“Has anyone seen my body?”||DJ Fireflash|
PC1: Okay, the ranger just put on a helmet we told him not to touch. And now he’s covered in frost, won’t give it up (or take it off), and looks like he wants to kill us. How are we going to handle this?
PC2: Um, set him on fire?
PC3: I have oil.
PC4: I have a torch.
ALL: Here… ranger ranger ranger….
|“Wonder what this button does ?”||Donka the Donk|
PC1 is being chased by a furious, nigh-on-indestructible orog warlord.
PC1: As soon as I enter the forest, I climb up a tree and keep moving by jumping between them, out of his reach.
DM: Make a Climb check.
DM: You are now jumping between trees, still being chased.
PC1: As I jump, I get out my sling and prepare to fire at him.
DM: OK, you are now jumping between trees with a sling in one hand.
PC2: Umm, aren’t you still holding that red-hot poker wrapped in a sheet you got from the mansion?
DM: So…you are jumping between trees, firing a sling with one hand and carrying a red-hot poker in the other. [With a look of gleeful malice]Make a jump check.
|“Don’t worry, wyvern don’t attack unless they’re provoked.”||Donka the Donk|
|“The guy that just exploded assured me it wouldn’t bite, sir..”||DJ Fireflash|
|Just poison the halfling and feed it to the dragon.||MethieBethie|
|Cass: “Is there bacon in this commissary?”|
GM: “Yes… Why?”
Cass: “I’m going to steal it.”
GM: “Steal bacon.”
Cass: “That’s right…”
GM: “The two guards at the entrance mean nothing?”
|Mayday… Mayday… Ship in trouble. Shields, Weapons and Engine Systems Out. Cargo of 1,000,000 credits in raw uncut diamonds.|
|But, but, but… that will kill me||Vincenzo|
|“Lets split up, we’ll cover more ground!”||Sarinh|
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