With the holiday period underway, we’ve started on one of Fenn’s favourite festive traditions: watching an excessive number of ‘holiday’ movies (and those that are ‘holiday-adjacent!).
Over the years Fenn has ‘ploughed’ his way through many a festive film: the classics, the controversial, and the cheesy. Thus, this year he’s been freed up to focus on the current crop of yuletide releases. Bronwen’s joining in the best she can, but is waaaaaay behind!
So in between your annual visits to Bedford Falls, 19th Century London, or even Nakatomi Plaza, consider giving these new holly-jolly flicks a go. All of them are currently available (some more easily than others if you’re in the US, of course).
And if such tinselled tales are not your usual viewing, you could put them on as background noise whilst you wrap that pile of presents you’ve been ignoring. You may still find yourself pleasantly surprised.
So, in no particular order…
Bronwen’s pick: There’s Something in the Barn
Bronwen: There’s Something in the Barn is my ABSOLUTE top Christmas 2023 movie pick – not just trailer pick, as I actually got a screener for this, watched it with my partner, and we both laughed our asses off! This film is bizarre and hilarious with just a little bit of gore.
In my experience, solid Christmas movies as hard to come by, but this one is a surefire winner, featuring an annoying America family, a little Norwegian village in the middle of nowhere, and a whole gang of murderous ‘barn elves’ ready to make them pay the price for breaking the rules.
Curious? I’ve actually reviewed this movie in full, and you can read it here. I promise you it’s not one you’ll regret! You can also watch There’s Something in the Barn via Amazon Prime Video right here.
Fenn: So let me admit up front that I am not a huge fan of horrors (don’t @ me!) However, I am a fan of ridiculous Christmas movies, and this has got ridiculousness in spades! I’ll be watching this in the interminable gap of 1,000 years known as “the week between Christmas and New Year”, no doubt laughing myself silly.
Fenn’s pick: Christmas In Scotland
Fenn: In the past few years, Scotland seems to have become the new favourite destination for these Hallmark-style Christmas movies.
Instead of heading to the little town they grew up in, career-focussed women living in New York are finding reasons to head to wee toons in Scotland instead. Blame Outlander, probably.
I watched it on Channel 5‘s catchup (UK).
Bronwen: Okay, this is one of those trailers where I feel like I’ve watched the full movie in a 2:47-long trailer. Very cheesy, and some of the acting stinks!
I don’t know if the fact it’s meant to be how Christmas in Scotland really is, and we live in Scotland, that’s getting my goat worse than, say, a film called Christmas in Australia might (which I imagine to be exactly as Tim Minchin describes, I might add).
Bronwen’s pick: The Velveteen Rabbit
Bronwen: My next pick is a short film based on the classic book by Margery Williams. This looks like a really lovely, family-friendly short film that’s more than just a standard ‘child’s toy comes to life’ style thing – it’s also got differently animated bits where the characters take on a more cartoon form.
It looks visually engaging, heartwarming, feelgood – and apparently features Helena Bonham Carter as a horse! I’m in. Although, being made from velveteen, I do wonder how utterly filthy that rabbit is going to get by the end of the film, being out in nature and all that.
I’ll suspend my disbelief, though, and jump right into this lovely wee watch!
You can watch The Velveteen Rabbit on Apple TV+ right now!
Fenn: That this is a short movie has a lot going for it. Just try getting any child watching a movie over the Christmas period and you’ll know why that’s important!
(Well, try getting them to watch anything longer than 20 minutes the rest of the year, to be honest.)
But back to my point. This is obviously not aimed at me, but at a (much!) younger audience. And I think it would do well, there. I would try it on my son, but he’s distracted by some game on Apple Arcade just now. Ah, parenting!
Fenn’s pick: ‘Twas The Text Before Christmas
Fenn: This is based on an internet tale from a few years back of a Grandmother who invited a random high schooler to Thanksgiving, thinking she had been texting her grandson. Obviously this has been altered to a career-driven woman so we can have a Christmas romance plot.
You can find this on US/Canada platforms (with the use of a VPN!)
Bronwen: This has a good bit of festive cheese to it, but it seems like a step or three up from Christmas in Scotland. As someone who’s less into romcoms, it might again be less of my thing, but Nana looks cute. If you can adopt a Nana at Christmas, then go for it! (Although I’m also suspicious she set them up on purpose somehow)
Bronwen’s pick – The Bad Guys: A Very Bad Holiday
Bronwen: This one looks so goddamn fun, and I have NO idea how I managed to miss this trailer before now! Basically all the so-called ‘bad guys’ – including a wolf, snake, spider, shark and more – get together to create absolute mayhem at Christmas, and can’t do wrong for doing right! Or something.
Of course, they’re not really that bad after all, but in order to carry out all the bank robberies they want over Christmas (and power to you, bad guys!) they have to basically make sure Christmas isn’t cancelled so that banks actually shut first. This looks like a really cute, fun film, and I’m all for it.
And you can watch The Bad Guys: A Very Bad Holiday on Netflix right now.
Fenn: I also seem to have missed this, but kudos to Bronwen for bringing it to my attention. It looks like a standalone feature rather than related to the original movie, so I wouldn’t be too worried about watching it without having seen that.
I like the very over-the-top chaos (a stolen, flaming Santa balloon; a vortex of chopped ice) and the brief ‘Sharknado’ reference means there will no doubt be some adult-aimed jokes in here too. A decent Christmas afternoon movie to keep the family entertained after overdoing the turkey dinner.
Fenn’s pick: A Biltmore Christmas
Fenn: Featuring a few familiar Star Trek faces, this Hallmark time-travel Christmas romance movie has instantly become a favourite of mine.
Our lead is a screenwriter, suddenly sent back in time to the actual production of a Christmas classic (which seems to be based loosely on The Bishop’s Wife.) Coincidentally, she’s been tasked with updating it for a remake. But she risks bringing the original’s production to a halt due to her presence.
A VPN and a Hallmark subscription needed for this one.
Bronwen: Okay, I’m a bit of a sucker for vintage looking things – especially the outfits – so this one has piqued my interest. And, if it’s a favourite of yours, Fenn, I guess I’m willing to give it a try.
Bronwen’s pick: The Naughty Nine
Bronwen: This is another family-friendly one but it’s got some Disney flash about it (being a Disney movie and all) and looks like it might be a bit of a laugh if you have time to spare this year and feel like watching something new – especially if you have kids.
Official synopsis goes like this:
Fifth grader Andy has been a bit of a troublemaker this year. When Christmas morning rolls around and Andy gets stiffed by Santa, he realizes he’s on the Naughty List. Feeling unfairly maligned, Andy pulls together a crack team of fellow naughty listers to pull off an elaborate heist in the North Pole to get the presents that Andy and the others feel they deserve. In the process of finding their gifts, the gang discovers that the spirit of Christmas is more about giving than taking, and decide to face Santa and do the right thing.
You can watch The Naughty Nine on Disney+ if you have a subscription!
Fenn: Christmas-themed, kid version of Ocean’s Eleven? Yeah, I can get with that. And I definitely heard a familiar voice as Santa. Is he getting too old for this sh- stuff? Sign me up!
Fenn’s pick: Round and Round
Fenn: A Hannukah-based Hallmark movie this time, and this one is my favourite find of the year.
It’s the seventh night of Hannukah, and Rachel finds herself stuck in a timeloop. Which would be fine, if it wasn’t the same night as a Hannukah party where her Grandmother is doing that age-old tradition of trying to set her up.
It is roaringly funny, self-aware, full of great references to other timeloop movies, and has a great reveal at the end.
Another one that will need a VPN and a Hallmark subscription.
Bronwen: Okay, another one that intrigues me. I like the D&D/roleplaying references and the fact that the trailer is just one conversation between the two characters. It makes me want to give it a whirl, especially after reading your comments, Fenn.
What holiday movies do you watch each year? Will you be giving any of these a try, or have you found something new that you’d like to recommend? Please bring us the festive cheer in the comments!
