Famous Last Words 10/15: I think somebody needs a hug!

PC2 Human Rouge:*tries the lock* “I can’t get it either. This one is really tough.”

PC3 Dwarf to DM:”Can I try it?”

DM to PC3:”SureIll give you a 5% chance of success.”

PC3:*rolls dice*

PC3 Dwarf Fighter:*walks up to the door and sticks his pinky in the door* “My turn.” *the lock clicks open*

PC1 and PC2:”Okay I give up. Game’s over. Goodnight.”

PC3:”What’d I do? Was it something I said?”

DM:”Oddly enough the campaign’s over I guess.”

Pc 2 (ogre) : Oy, No problemo. I’ll just throw Belly ‘ere over the wall and he will open the gate from inside. Pics up the other pc who is Halfling, throws him over the wall and into another wall….. end of Halfling.

Pc: Cool I wish for it’s power…Voop (sound of soul entering blade)

PC: Cool! I walk inside and talk to the king!

GM: don’t you feel your familures wounds?

Damnit

PC(lvl 1): I enter through the break in the wall

“And you call me insane?”

-Evan O’Connor

(three hours of play later)

Dm: congratulations, you’ve just waisted 36,000 gold on a pair of solid gold testicles…

(one hour later) Pc1: what I died… but i thought i was the strongest…

Pc2: i cut off your solid gold testies and mount them on a string as an amulet.

Dm:what, but those were his balls!, do you know where they’e been, he was a half-orc! that’s disgusting, i smite you!

Pc2 what you cant do tha…

Dm: You notice an old man ranting on the beach

PC1: I run down to see the old man

DM: As you stand onto the sand, a sand clam bites your foot

PC1: I attempt to escape

DM:You struggle, causing you to lose five wounds, how many wounds do you have now?

PC1: One…

(This was about two minutes into the start of the game)

PC: I’m level one! do you honestly expect me to believe you would give a level 1 character THAT to fight?!

DM: absolutely.

PC: it has to be an illusion! I kick it on the

nose and yell “Scat, you wretched thing!”

PC2:”Nope sorry I can’t, I’m illiterate.”

PC1:”Oh screw it, we’re wasting time just sitting here waiting for {the party wizard} to come back from checking out that other room, let’s just open the door a crack and take a look at what’s inside.”

{Said door was an airlock on a spacestation the party teleported up to.}

{A wizard who created a spell called infinite flatulence & possess’ a rod a fireball}

There’s enough of you left to bury.

Us: Balls.

PC2: Absolutely.

Ryuka: Go on then.

*Tanasha jumps on trap and jumps again, the sound of stabbing is heard*

Kaito: Guess we should have told him its not pitfall……..ouch.

ORGE2:  ME HUNGRY, ME KILL FOODMEN!

PC1: Um, Why don’t we just make you something to eat instead?

PC2: Hey yeah, we are in a kitchen after all…

OGRE1:Yes! You, {points to PC1} Foodman, make us sumthing good to eat.

PC3: Um, I don’t know how to cook!

OGRE2:THEN WE EAT FOODMEN!

PC1:We can learn! If someone could JUST TELL US /WHAT/ WE NEED TO DO…

PC2:Hey, it’s easy, all you need a recipe.

OGRE2:ENUF TALK – FOODMAN NO COOK, WE EAT NOW! {Swings his sword up toward PC2’s throat.}

PC2: Wait! I’ve got a delicious recipe that I can tell them to make you. They just need a moment to make it.

ORGE1: FOODMAN make sumthing good to eat? FOODMAN better hurry Up! Me tummy rumbling now.

PC1: Quick, somebody give me a pencil! I’ll have to write it down first.

PC3:Right, a Pencil… {quickly patting himself down and points to one on table behind the ogres hoping to distract them while he draws a weapon} Oh hey, there’s one! Wanna throw it to him?

Orge2 quickly picks it up and angrily throws it.

PC2 {watches as PC1 drops to the floor with a pencil stuck through his heart.}:”ooo – Jolly Good throw! Ahh, {pc3s’ name}, would you like be our stand in burnt toast chef of the day?”

PC3:{quickly lowers the sword that he’s holding, as the first orges sword is now touching his throat.} “Erm, I’ll just start cutting the butter with this *really dull* butter knife…”

ORGE2:NAY! ME NO LIKE BUTTER! {And stabs PC2 with a nearby meat cleaver.}

PC3: Cripes – Of all the rooms in this dungeon we could’ve went into, we had to choose the one with a bunch of clumsy carp Ogre food critics… {shakes head} Hey, Butterbutt! I hope ya choke on my rib bones! {Valiantly brandishes his sword once again before becoming smote himself.}

Megamouth(with a bad case of overconfidence): I call out “Who the Hell are you?”

DM:A dark cloaked figure steps out the smoke filled gateway, while a fog slowly fills the room as the figure slowly replies “Attempting to tell you my name would be simply meaningless, as it is not spoken through such mundane avatars such as this which I have assumed to ease your simple minded comprehension of my presence – instead, I must answer with what I am. I am the ancient Yugasoth the exhalted, destroyer of worlds, pillager of the great mind of yargoth, and penatenchal to Albardin.”

Megamouth {looking a little confused at that response}:”Ahh… So what are you here for Mr. ‘High-And-Mighty-Entity-Without-a-Name’?”

DM {Now speaking in a truly ominous voice}: I have come from otherspace. To this simple ‘Earth’ place during these last days of my eons long existence, in order to pass on a certain final lesson to those who would have the temerity to insult – Nay – even so much as fart in my beneficence…”

Megamouth (interupting):”This is going to be easier than I originally thought. Alright, just hand me my f***ing Burrito, Yu-Gi-Oh.”

DM:The figure slowly raises it’s hand, and points to Dwarfstar. Dwarfstar, you suddenly feel yourself become drawn off your feet and moving towards Megamouth, and your density & shrinking power seems to be strentghing beyond your previous experiences.

Dwarfstar: I resist. {rolls a critical failure}

Megamouth:Oh Sh*t! I try and block. Yes! I got a critical success.

DM {who’s smiling like the grinch now}: As soon as Megamouths block touchs dwarfstar, he quickly disappears in brillant flash!

DM:The figure says, “Riddle me this, ladies & gentlemen, How does your friend come out of a micro black holes gravity well intact?
When you have come up with the answer, I’ll be on the other side waiting to find out how he liked his… burrito.”

PC2: Suck it bitch.

PC1: I fire my long bow at the guard.

DM: From 5 feet away?

PC1: Yep.

DM: The arrow goes through the gaurd and hits PC2 in the heart killing both of them.

PC1: Do I get double xp?

DM: your sword bounces off the wall, and comes back to stab you in the chest, and continues to stab PC2, killing you both.

PC1 Charges the dragon.

Dragon incinerates PC1

PC2: Plan B, Run like hell.

Eyliene: “Holy @*%#! Some evil cleric must have brought him back, Time to rock! Tri-mixture fireball, empowered, cold, fire, lightning!

Villainpc2(while riding shotgun in the getaway vehicle): Holy shit! There’s a pony sized wolf chasing after us!

Villainpc1/driver:Ahh, we can outrun ’em. {To GM: I floor it.} How’s that?

Villain2pc: He seems to be keeping up. Uh oh, I think he’s gonna take a bite out of our tire, should I shoot him?

Villain1pc: Ahh, forget it, this armored car has bulletproof tires!

{Unfortunately for them, this particular wolf had an 8d6 armor piercing killing attack bite and routinely enjoyed chewing up armored cars…}

Wizard: damn, i forgot to select Identify

Rogue: Come on wiz! what is it?

Wizard: I don’t know… *drinks the potion*

Player 1 (a dwarf mercenary) has a death grip around the Troll enemy and a high frag grenade in his mouth.

GM: Ok, so Player 2 it’s your turn.

Player 2: I have my gun out in case this doesn’t work.

Ok, alrighty, Player 3, it’s your turn.

Player 3: Will he [player 1] survive this?

Gm: Most likely not, but neither will the troll.

Player 3: I salute him.

DM nods his head..

PC to other PC’s: RUN !!!!!!