Famous Last Words 8/15: I’m telling you it’s not real… No wait…

This re-post of Famous Last Words is ordered by total vote; with the better ones at the top.

So does this mean we’ve only got the poorer contributions yet? Not necessary so; some of the famous last word contributions came in too late to pick up many votes. It’s also far to say some friends may have been keen to vote for their pals contributions – thus pushing some the other worthy submissions further down.

See any gems in the collection below? Let us know with a comment.

Famous Last Words: Contributor:
“I am in the forest eating mushrooms… (a bit later) I am in the forest foaming at the mouth.” MatsuTsuko
Of course did I left my weapons at the gate. Those guards looked really friendly. Shirwill Jack
I’m telling you it’s not real… No wait… Kakona
*What do you mean it has no effect?!?!?* lifeinthefastlane14
Of course I know what I’m talking about! THERE IS NO TRAP! lifeinthefastlane14
OK, I’ll ignore the healthy pit fiend and finish off the mortally wounded one with another magic arrow. Cxwf
“I don’t know, Philburtus… what IS 40′ tall and looks like a turtle with a caramel shell? Mr Adam
I wonder what happens when you put a portable hole in a bag of holding…. poisongrin
Nyn, you’re the healer this time. Shurikane
OoOh….a shiny key at the bottom of a relatively calm and secure looking pool….trap? I think not…. Annum
OK, all I have to do is kill this 1000 foot dragon and I’ll be out of here in no time. Iceman
“oh cmon how bad can a Homonculous bite be? it..on.ly…a…bi…te” Jaxm
” oh cmon its just a big block of jello how powerful can it be?” Jaxm
I draw my Vorpal Longsword and attack the skeleton. Damn, rolled a 1. What do you mean i hit myself? Lord of Angmar
OK heres the plan, I’m going to sneak into the mageware shop and steal that spellbook, oh, cmon, it’ll work, dont you know all mages are pushovers? Ragekai
PC: I kick his dog.

DM: you mean the displacer beast?

PC: the what now?

That shadows just a cloud and the wind is merely a storm picking up… everyone knows theres no such thing as dra…. Azriel Firehand
Launch me out of the torpedo tube! It’s alright, I was genetically engineered to withstand that…I think… All That Jaz
“No! I won’t allow you to hurt this beautiful creature, no matter what you say about it’s tendency to feast on human flesh!” rith
DM: On a mezzanine above the central chamber, 30 demonic acolytes are summoning a greater fiend. (the PCs have experienced the Magic Missile (3 missiles each) spell-like power of the lesser demons) What do you do?

Players: Um, we charge in.

I hope I didn’t just kill a trick or treater. Winter
Hmm….If you will not open the door! then I will…. Kerhin
“I’ll help you with that.” Gaspar Tansden
“That’s a lot of hull.”

(Reaction of starfighter pilot upon seeing a super star destroyer decloak immediately in front of him)

GM: “You hear a loud pounding on the tavern door.”

PC: “I open it up and-”

Gm: “You’re dead.”

All hobgoblins are cowards, right? WhiteWitch
“Let me see… the chance of this belt being cursed is approximately 2 in 3… hey, those are fair odds!” ZzPzora
Bah! Me and are like best friends! Zifnab
I really don’t think you should have said that abotu his nose… Kakona
Trust me. Incorrect
In the tomb complex of a city of biengs able to place thier souls into items at death to possess new bodies. (all this known to PCs)

PC1: Look, its a sword just like the one I drew.

PC2:Dude remember the cur…

PC1:Curse,Smurse I’m taking that sword.

I kiss lolth animefreak
DM: You see a sign that says “Danger, Bottomless Pit ahead!” Scrolled in nearly illegible handwriting.

PC: I Keep walking.

DM: Um, you fall into a bottomless pit.

PC: I attempt to disbelieve.

“Hey guys! Check this out!” Leedragon
“I cast… , oh shit, that’s my other character!” Jimmylx
There’s weapons in those boxes marked ‘Panda Parts.’ Winter
Dwarven Bartender(counting his gold in the middle of a totally trashed bar room)- “It was a dream, Go back to bed.”
Bard “But-”
Dwarf – “Go Back To Bed..”
*Searching the forge*

PC1: “Hey, what’s this?” *reaches out*

PC2: “Wait! Dont touch tha…”


GM: you are in the top of the roof and hear an explosion, everything goes black and you finally feel the end of your days

PC: (with the mouth opened) what happened????

The Crane
PC: Uh… I go through the door. *looks at DM. Worried tone.* Why exactly are you grinning like that? Galenfea
I wonder what will happen if i cast finger of death and then scratch my nose… settin
DM: The gaping chasm stands before you. It’s about 20 ft. wide and you have no rope.

PC1:Hmm…I jump across the chasm!

PC1: “Okay, look up history on the show M*A*S*H…does it exist?”

GM: “Of course not.”

PC1 & PC2: “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

GOD: You peer through a hole in the bushes and see a group of about 20 goblins standing in a circle around a hole in the ground, their leader is standing at the head of the group chanting something at them.

PC1: Goblins…piece of cake, i’ll center a fireball directly in the center of them.

PC2: Yeah that should kill ’em all.

GOD: Roll damage.

PC1: They dead?

GOD: *Laughs maniacally*

“to protect the world from devastation…

to unite all peoples within our nation…

to denounce the evils of truth and love… to extend our reach to the stars above…



Team Rocket blasts off at speed of light!

Surrender now or prepare to Fight!

Meowth, That’s right!”

Why is that unicorn black? Well I’ll go ask the unicorn… settin
See this is a friendly one… Kakona
I Know A Fake One If I See One Sengir Bloodthirst
Umm..are you sure those people where the target?…cause uh,I didn’t have the coordinates right sum1
I’ll run into the clearing full of evil cultists and the strange beast they’re worshiping firing both barrels of my shotgun….. Judge Mead
do i get a dex check? dracoemyrs
PC1 to GM: My Dwarf prepares to fire the arquebus at the Dracolich to catch him by surprise

PC2 to GM: My thief backstabs the Dwarf

PC 1:Cleric, where is our cleric?

PC 2:Is’nt that the one who came running past at 95 mph?

The Gnome: Im the great giant slayer.

DM: Yeah, welcome to the wonderful world of falling damage

GM: “After a thorough search, you find two disruptor pistols. They’re the cheap model; no vapourize setting.”

Johnny: “Who needs to vapourize what you can stun?”

Ibrus Voight
Oh, he’s shackled? I’ll cast a fireball on his shackles… verpoolisch
Player 1: Um, there’s something black and scaly with large aggressive muscles and pointy teeth behind you…

Player 2: This isn’t a time for one of your “there’s something behind you” jokes!

Player 1: No, really, I’m serious!

Player 2: Yeah, ri–

PC1 to PC2: “Okay. You open the portal to him, and I’ll cast fireball through it. Simple enough.”

GM: “The man in the portal waves a dismissive hand in your general direction. The portals suddenly blinks out of existence.”

$ – It’s a large furry creature meandering in the field.

Spot check

dm – “It’s moving in a bear like fashion, kind of the size of a bear, making sounds… like a bear.”

$ – “roll for another Spot check.”

“Hah! There’s not a thief in the world who can shoot my Troll character…” Musulabub
Guard: Hand over the magic staff.

Thief: Him? Naw, he’s just an old guy with a walking stick. I’ll show you, by breaking it over my kn–

DM: A large group of cyclops have you surrounded.

PC: Surely you don’t expect me to defeat these by myself?

DM: Okay, first of all I saw you put the dice in your pocket.. and second, stop calling me Shirley!

DM: The well-equipped goblin archers ask you to pay a toll to continue on this stretch of road. Their bows are at the ready.

PCs: Charge!!

DM: hmmm, Critical Hit to the forehead…

DM:In the tower, you say a ‘Damsel in Distress’, Guarded by a dragon

PC:My Specialty! -Pokes Dragon With Sword-


PC:Uh oh…

PC: OK, I drop the AK, draw my combat knives and attack them

GM: Which one?

PC: All of them!!

GM: All 5 Black Spiral Dancers? At once?

PC: Hell yeah – I’m an Assamite, after all!!

GM: Lodath cuts your head off.

Trandosian PC:…can my body grow a new head?

GM: No!

Trandosian PC:…can my head grow a new body?

GM:…let’s just see…(rolls percentile, gets 100) uh, wow… … No!

“They can’t possibly outflank us. We have a multi-scanner!” Donka the Donk
But the Fae would never harm me… Vincenzo
I told you I was sick! Wyrdmaster
“It burns! It burrrrrrnnnnnsssssss!” refering to dragon fire. Andacanavar
You cant break a Holy Vorpal sword… Anyways, that would mean that every damn Paladin with in 1000 Leagues would be after me… Takamatsu
Excuse me! I believe it is your turn to charge the beholders! Nightbay
Engeria: Psh, your that little gun couldn’t even make a crack in my plasma sheild.

The guy raises the caster pistol filter #3.

Don’t worry, i’ll take out that golem with my vorpal longsword!!! Balathustrius219
Some heavy footsteps are heard coming from the corridor outside the door.

(Uh oh.. I better hide with my new mimic spell.)

The large humanoid monster opens the door carrying a book, and begins looking around the room for a place to sit down and read.

Death’s avatar threatens me? Hah! I eat death!…

What do you mean he’d rather have my soul for dinner? He can’t do that…Oh.

Why are you stopping way out here in the middle of nowhere? You’re supposed to take me into town remember? DoppleGanger
“I didn’t know you could read lips!” spike023
GM: “Ok, what do you do?”

Me: “Well, I am invisiable, so I will sneak up the stairs and have a look around.”

GM: “Ok , you see the wife of the house looking through her daughter’s room.”

Me: ” I will enter the room, and quietly, sneak over to the ….”

GM: “No, you get caught, and she thinks she hears something, then she concentrates.”

Me: “Ok hold my action.”

GM: “After, that she now looks right at you.”

Me: “Ok I punch her.”

GM: “What the hell? Ok you hit. Anything else?”

Me: “Keep punching, oh yeah kicking too.”

GM: “She’s a mage.”

DM: As you board the spaceship you see a small black ball come rolling towards your party.

PC: I pick it up.

DM: It’s a grenade…

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