Famous Last Words 6/15: I’m gonna sneak up on that beholder

I’ll admit that not all the famous last words submitted to GameWyrd made sense – some, for example, included re-occuring characters; pretty hard for a so-claimed famous last words! However, pretty much all of them were sumitted in the spirit in which site was intended; gamer humour, fun, easy and hastle free.

Just because we’ve moved these famous last words from GameWyrd to Geek Native does not mean we’ve stopped collecting good ones so feel free to add more to the comments

Famous Last Words: Contributor:

PC: What skills do I have?

DM: By looking at what you just did, i’d say you safely meet the prerequisites for jackass.


“I am NOT holding this bazooka backwards, watch!”


Chris: Look, just help her untie her shoe and she’ll just have to leave it in the tracks.

Matt: Who taught you to tie your shoes!? Can you even feel the circulation in your ankles at all?

Samantha: Nope.


“You’re just a lowlife half-breed! Your human mother was captured by a large ugly orc and taken advantage of, therefore you are a mistake.”

“Okay I’m only kidding.. your mom wasn’t “captured” she was just a bit curious. Hmm.. did anyone tell you that you resemble your father?”


OOO, what does that one do?


I guess it was a one way door.


(True story)

PC1:I attempt to disarm the Skaven of it’s halberd

DM:You succeed

(Skaven attacks)


DM:Lets say the Skaven rips off your arm, beats you with it, then shoves it up your ass so far that your hand comes out your throat.

PC1:Good night…

Sin Harvest

“Don’t worry. I’m a drow, the demon HAS to do what I say!”


What do you mean they find it offensive ?


“Red dot on my forehead? I’m not indian, what are you talking about?”


“Oh great, the phrase ‘God, I need a stick’ does not bode well for me.”


PC-“He could be a Great Red Wyrm for all I care, I’m gonna kill him.”

GM-“Funny you should mention a Great Red Wyrm… (silence followed by suppressed laughter).


Are you not a little dark for an elf ?


I can’t do anything, I’m in a 15-year old girl body. I go outside, and people rape me!


“I’m gonna sneak up on that beholder.”


Haha! I have protection from fire! That red dragon can’t hurt me!

Lance Penzdragon

“Oh THAT dragon is guarding the Lost Hoard of Alakaba??…pfft!”


give YOU my money ….hehehe


DM: You can smell the faint scent of firedamp in the air…

PC #1: Alright… I’ll take a few steps in and see what’s going on.

PC #2: Take this with you! ~hands off a blazing pine torch~

Joi: Hey guys… You do know what firedamp is, right? Guys? Oh bloody hell…

Joiless Oubliette

I swear, I didn’t know she was your mom when it happened!


PC: I read the tombstone.

GM: It says “You are all in grave danger.”


Hmm. so Gandalf said for me to never put the ring on, cuz it draws them to me, but what does he know? I mean, now he’s down in some cave, he can’t be as smart as people make him out to be!

*puts on ring*



“The window isn’t open, so he couldn’t have gotten out, he must be still be in here.” {absolutely right}


“Wait! I was only joking!!”


DM-“The midget Dwarves come down from the ceiling on ropes.” Player-“so…”

DM-“They have lemons…”


(True Story) GM:Ok you corner the sssassin.

GM: He turns around and says take one more step and i’ll kill myself.

PC1: No we need information. PC2: Put down the dagger.

Assassin: why, howabout I kill myself so you don’t get any information.


shadow thief

What do you mean I wasn’t suppose to take this.*Looks at jewel*

Hey, look its glowing.


Silver Rose

“Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?”

Donka the Donk

‘Beware falling rocks’. Where? There’s no falling rocks. I see not one- (THUD)


Gee, that sure is a big axe you’re lifting over your head. It looks pretty cool, where’d you get it?


Look at all the Pretty colors on it.


GM: As you step on the slab you hear a creaking sound.

PC2 (shortly after PC1 was hit by a dart): I duck!

(boulder falls from ceiling)


Click?? …This doesn’t come with ammo?

Donka the Donk

“He wouldn’t try that trick again!”

Donka the Donk

What do you know, you stupid witch?


Said to a Half-orc warrior “Are you as dumb as you look?”


Damnit! I left my magical staff at home by the door.

Stray Sod

“I’m not going in there!”


“Look at the cute little drow with his cute little sword. He is so adora-” CHOP!


You did WHAT?!?

Syri Kalin

What the hell? All this scroll says is “Hastur, Hastur, Hastur, Hastur” over and over again!


DM to ogre Pc: The Goblins flee trough a hole in the floor as they fail their cool test when you approach, it’s way to small for you to follow them.

Ogre Pc : Okay then I’ll sit on it, and shit down the hole.

Ogre got a spear up his ass from the Goblins…………fate point minus 1


“So that’s what a troll looks like.” (15 seconds later…) “So that’s what my spleen looks like…”

Sacred Wolf

GM: High-Low?

PC: uhmmm *shudder* Low?

GM: *rolls* *calmly hands over players guide and a fresh character sheet*


GM: A beautiful vampiress is crying on the floor next the one you killed ealier.

PC: Im going to give a her a hug, and let her cry on my shoulder.


NPC death knight: I do not like being summoned!

PC: With a complexion like that, I don’t blame you.


DM-After slaying the towns king, you remember hearing about the towns guard, Gro
PC1-Well, I also remember that his intelligence is really low.

DM-You also remember he is a fire giant


Quick, give me a match! I think my fuel tank’s empty!

Amarou Kithkin

DM: “You enter the lair of the ancient huge red dragon. Walking past the bones of previous parties, you find the dragon sleeping on an immense pile of treasure.”

PC1: “I draw my +1 sword”

PC2 to DM” “Is it still asleep?”

DM: “Yes, the dragon is still asleep. You did get the part about being ‘ancient, huge’ didn’t you?”

PC1: “Yeah, so it’s old and fat. Makes it easier to kill.”

PC2: “Exactly! We attack!”




(After leaving a wizard’s roleplaying convention and still wearing a white robe and tall pointy white wizard’s hat)

“C’mon guys, lets go check out this million man march thingie that’s going on down the street!”


No it won’t.


I would seriously like to see you make a death trap out of a simple country fair. I mean, c’mon, whats the WORST thing that could happen?


Old man: How can this be!? I have finally produced a superior batch of my micro sized magic land mines, only to lose them to some confounded thieves!


James: Check out these magic seeds I found, lets go plant them in my backyard!

Patrick: Cool!


PC- So thats what a +3 Keen Vorpal Bastard sword does.

Enemy- Yep *prepares to swing*


Shaman: You have an hour to live. The only cure is to drink a potion consisting of holy water mixed with the blood of a virgin.

Poisoned man: Look! A castle, I’m saved!

(reads sign) [welcome to richard’s brothel]


PC Wizard who’s Rat Familiar just fell off of a log crossing a bottomless chasm, lays down comfortably and says:

“Stand by!”


GM: The elven archer, trogolodyte warrior, elven mage, and human paladin walk through the dark cavern.

Trogolodyte: I start a conversation by saying, “I think I might start a political coup back in Aslandan.”

Elven Archer: I grab him and stare into his face, “Mordoth, you’re a LIZARD!”

– Kai Modo-san –

Evil PC:

I’m not Evil, I’m not Evil

Priest doing alliance check:

Yeah and you’re a lousy lyer to…….


true story

PC1(sarcasticly): I stab myself.

(DM does attack roll)

DM: You miss.

PC1: I tried to stab myself and I missed! Is that even possible?!

PC2: I doubt it!

DM: well, you missed.

PC1: Well, not THIS time!

ben mj


PC1: Uhm…

PC2: I hope we didn’t need that bridge.


“Thank God!! A hobgoblin camp up ahead! Maybe they can help heal our wounded!”

Donka the Donk

I am the crazy one, I will never die! You can’t kill me! I’m invincible!


(Big green thing with lots of tentacles) Ok you killed and dismembered crewmember David Morbis…. You’re hired!!!!!


Wow, I hope that’s not infected.


This vodka tastes kinda funny.


DM- You see what appears to be the ghost of a knight. He is wearing black armor and is gliding across the ground.

PC1- Its only a ghost? Pah, taste my fireball you cowerdly scum

DM- The fireball goes right through the knight. He turns to look at you, laughs and says “Death”.

PC1- Now its my turn to laugh! Death! What does he think he is?!?

DM- Ya, youll be needing to roll a new character now.

PC1- From what, that ghost thing?

DM- That was a death knight

PC1- Well, you never told me THAT!


PC1:I pee on the Alter!!

shadow thief

“They need a twenty to hit me, I’m invincible”

Donka the Donk

“Hah! I’m not dead yet. I still have five hit points.”

Donka the Donk

i was born with power and will die with power


So, we’re stumbling through an extremly confusing dungeon made of nohing but random rooms, accessible only by portals that never seem to lead the same place twice.

We’ve been to three “null magic” rooms in a row, and our conjurer is getting pretty fed up with this whole hitting the 12′ demons with your staff business.

So we arrive in a new room, only to be attacked by some tieflings. Their mage casts Mantle on herself…

Conjurer: “YES! I’m back! Taste Magic Missle, fools!” (Looks at the GM) “Why are you rolling?”

GM: “Just need to find your Wild Surge.” (Rolls, then smiles like the Grinch) “Oops. Is that a Gate?”

At least the Cacofiend ate the Tieflings before it attacked us… Sigh.

Aaron the Slightly Mad

Linzuki: Isnt sooo big.

Kaito: Not that…*points* THAT!

Linzuki: Thats a wall.

Kaito:*Sighs* No it isnt.

Linzuki: hoooly fuuucckk!

Kaito Kaze

“Trap? What trap?”

Donka the Donk

hah! you as clever with your sword as you are with that mouth???


Hey what a coincidence. I have been having dreams like that as well.


Nothing big enough to do this could fly.


It’s all right. It looks like that I’m faster than this fire elemental.


Aha! The amulet protects us from its magic. That 7ft mummy can’t harm us now!


Ha ha ha, little man! There haven’t been orcs around here for ages!

Princess Penny

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